Tattoo
by southern cross
Summary: Set post Dead Things S/B, also major S/T friendship. Spike moves on, but a certain blonde can't let him go.
1. Another Dawn

All belongs to Joss. I'm trying something a little different here reviews are greatly appreciated.  
  
  
  
"I gave her everything I had."  
  
Flicking the long ash off his fag he took another deep drag.  
  
"I know."  
  
The voice was quiet, full of compassion; he had come to depend on these chats these last few weeks. Only thing that kept him from the sun.  
  
"It wasn't enough."  
  
Looking over at him she read the pain etched onto those handsome features, sharing his pain, she knew how each day was a struggle to stay afloat.  
  
"I think that's what hurts the most. I was inadequate. What I had to offer was not enough for her."  
  
He felt her hand on his back, felt the strength pour into him. She had done this before, shared her strength with him. He had never met a more compassionate person; she gave until there was nothing left of herself. Their time together these past few weeks had brought him something he hadn't had in a hundred years. She was a true friend. She knew who and what he was and accepted that, she cared for him and he loved her for it.  
  
She felt his eyes on her and looked at him, her breath catching at the fire she saw in those eyes. Lately he was the only person she could talk to or wanted to for that matter. The fact that he was the 'big bad' didn't bother her. He had been close to giving up, on his love and his life, but she couldn't let him do that. He was her friend.  
  
"What a pair we are luv."  
  
Smiling she didn't stop him when he pulled her into a hug.  
  
"Yeah, but we better get in, or."  
  
Glancing at the fading night sky he sighed, he knew he had to get in, this was not his time. A part of him wanted the release, but a stronger part pf him still wanted to fight for her, for them. And then there was the warm being in his arms. She was one of the strongest people he knew, but without him he knew she wouldn't be able to handle things. They had never spoken of it, but her desperation was nearly as great as his own.  
  
"Alright then."  
  
Rising up he offered her his hand, a small thrill ran through him when she took it without hesitation. She trusted him, which was a great feeling.  
  
"There will be other dawns for me."  
  
Smiling at his weak attempt at a joke she trailed along side him, noting that he hadn't let her hand go. They grounded each other, found comfort in each other's presence. There was none of the conflict and war of the words when they were together. They could just be.  
  
"Got your keys?"  
  
Digging in his duster he pulled a set of keys out and jingled them at her.  
  
"Always, one of these days you're really gonna get stranded if you don't keep better track of those things."  
  
Laughing she entered the door he was holding open for her.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
Unlocking the door to the apartment that they shared he thought it strange that here he was a master vampire, once feared by all of Europe, sharing a nice flat with his best friend, who just happened to be a powerful witch, and a lesbian at that. Stepping into the living room he watched her take of her coat and carefully hang it up. Amazed that he felt more at home in this place they shard together than at any time he had spent with Dru and Angelus.  
  
"Do you have classes today?"  
  
She turned to him and reached for the duster he was handing her.  
  
"Yeah, two. I shouldn't be home too late."  
  
She knew he worried about her being out alone, with the new Armageddon approaching and all. Dawn was keeping them up to speed on the Scooby's latest attempt to save the world.  
  
"Are you working tonight?"  
  
She stepped into the kitchen and began boiling water for some tea. She had been up with him since about 3:30 and knew she was going to be tired today. Stifling a yawn she pulled out two mugs.  
  
"Of course, want to work on it a little now. Kind a wired and all that."  
  
Looking at her, circles forming under her eyes he cursed himself. Why was he always hurting those he loved. She had stayed up half the night, keeping him from launching into the sunlight.  
  
"Sure. That sounds nice."  
  
After he had taken the job at the tattoo parlor, she had expressed interest in getting a tattoo. Since then he had been creating a beautiful design on her back and shoulders.  
  
Grabbing the mug of tea she had fixed him, it hit him suddenly, he didn't want to die. Not really anyway, and it was about bloody time he started acting like it.  
  
"Tara."  
  
Turning, hot mug in her hand she took a sip and looked at him, wondering for the millionth time why Buffy hadn't snatched him up.  
  
"Thank you, for tonight."  
  
He touched her heart, tears springing to her eyes.  
  
"I just don't want to lose you too."  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
He walked over to her and put the mug down, sweeping her up in his arms. Wrapping her in his arms as she cried. [Never again] he swore.  
  
"There luv, I'm sorry. Listen you are not going to lose me."  
  
Tipping her chin up e wiped the tears away and smiled at her.  
  
"You are one of the most amazing people I have met, and I am not going anywhere."  
  
The blue eyes were calming her, pulling her back from the desperation that was threatening to overcome her. He meant it, she could tell. Had she done this? Pulled him back to life? His smile said it all, she had. [Thank the goddess].  
  
"Love you Wicca."  
  
Laughing as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.  
  
"Love you too Spike." 


	2. Setting Up

All belongs to Joss I just wish they were mine. Reviews would be great.  
  
Handing her the tea, getting his own, he lead them to his bedroom, where his tools were.  
  
Tara leaned against him, never quite used to the chill, but enjoying the strength. She was looking forward to the session, the pain always relaxed her, gave her an outlet for her frustration.  
  
"I'll set up while you change."  
  
"O.k."  
  
Her voice was still fragile, but he could hear her resolve, she was not a quitter. Laying out his tools and ink, he ripped open the sterilized products and knocked off the clothes strewn over the table where she would lay.  
  
Modesty was not something she worried about with Spike, they were both so deeply in love with other people, and it hadn't become an issue. Good thing since there was only one bathroom. Smiling she hung her bra and shirt on the doorjamb and walked over to the table arranging herself on her stomach.  
  
"What are you going to do today?"  
  
Examining his previous work, which was healing nicely, he considered for a moment. They had agreed on wings extending over the middle of her back, she had confessed that she had loved Sara's tattoo in City of Angels. And then a more complicated pattern across her shoulder blades and neck that would eventually go down her arms.  
  
"Fairies, the ones that face each other at the shoulder joint."  
  
Smiling into the darkness, she imagined the fairies on her back. She had allowed him to pick the designs, trusting his judgment and so far she had not been disappointed.  
  
"Mmm.hmm."  
  
Smiling he set about cleaning her skin, knowing, she would soon be off in her own world. His work as a tattoo artist had been short, but he had never seen anyone enjoy the actual process as much as she did. The pain never affected her outwardly; in fact she had fallen asleep several times.  
  
As soon as the buzzing started she felt herself falling away. There were no worries no pain, just Tara. Strange how Spike could take her to this place though pain.  
  
As the first fairy began to emerge on her creamy skin he thought back to how exactly they had ended up here, a witch and her vampire.  
  
2 ½ months ago.  
  
"Bloody woman, I'm gone then."  
  
He was shouting at no one in particular. Stomping back to his crypt, he kicked the door open swearing all the way. He was leaving tonight; he was tired of being kicked around. Maybe Seattle, the nights were long and the rain always kept the nasties home. He began to pack furiously then throwing his meager belongings into two duffle bags and heading back to his beat up Desoto. Pathetic, all of his worldly possessions had taken about 20 minutes to pack.  
  
"Fucking hell."  
  
He had almost made it that time. The bags were in the trunk and the key was in the door when he heard the scream. For an instant he wanted to keep going, but something stopped him. He knew it wasn't her, he knew her voice, but something held him there, demanding he go help. [A bleedin' conscious, that's just great]'  
  
"Fuck."  
  
Swinging around he ran to the direction of the scream.  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
What he saw before him sent rage pouring through him, and the game was on. Standing before him was a plothar demon, nasty buggers that had a particular taste for witches. Which was just what it had in its clutches.  
  
"Spike."  
  
Her voice was barely a whisper but he could hear the fear and panic drumming in his ears. Pressed up against a tree, blood pouring form a cut above her eye was Tara. As he reined blow after blow onto the beasts back he saw flashes of Tara joking with him at Buffy's party, and how vulnerable she had been after Glory had scrambled her head. She had always been nice to him.  
  
"Spike, I think its dead."  
  
Her voice jolted him out his pummeling and looked down to see its beaten body lying on the ground before him.  
  
"Well then I guess so."  
  
Kneeling before her he helped her to her feet, noting how shaky she was.  
  
"Got a nasty bump their luv. Can you walk?"  
  
She had tried to nod, but had almost passed out. Scooping her in his arms, he carried her to his car, thinking how soft she was. Buffy was firm all over, all muscle, but Tara was a classic form, a curvaceous Venus. He had known a few in his day.  
  
"There we go."  
  
Depositing her gently into the car he slipped behind the wheel, glancing over at the witch. She was pale, but the bleeding had slowed, it was then that he realized he didn't know where to go.  
  
"Tare, where do you want me to take you?"  
  
He watched her eyes open, pain clouded them.  
  
"Um, home I guess, no one is there."  
  
He drove quickly knowing where the apartment complex was. He helped her out of the car and up the two flights of stairs. When they got to the door he took her keys and swung the door open. She walked in slowly and turned to look at him.  
  
"Come in Spike."  
  
He heard no hesitation in her voice, no fear. Stepping in he got his first look at her apartment. The furnishings were modest but nice, well worn, each piece picked with care. They tended to be a bit eccentric, nothing matched, but everything flowed. Helping her to the sofa he stood there not quite sure what to do with himself.  
  
"Is there anything I could get you?"  
  
She seemed to have forgotten he was there.  
  
"Yeah, there are some pills in a green bottle an a balm in the bathroom."  
  
He returned quickly which said items, and a sneaky suspicion hat neither item were store bought. She quickly downed the small pills and lay back while he rubbed the dried blood from her wound as carefully as he could and then applied the pungent balm. The thought that he was a vampire nursing a witch that he had conspired to kill had not entered his mind then and hadn't until much later.  
  
"Better?"  
  
She smiled at him, eyes still closed.  
  
"Much."  
  
Taking a seat across form her, he knew he would be here for the night. She most likely had a concussion and shouldn't be alone.  
  
"Want me to call someone luv."  
  
"No, there's no one."  
  
The fact that she was as alone as he was had never occurred to him. Her friends had been Red's and well he knew they were on hiatus or something.  
  
"Guess I'll be spending the night here."  
  
He saw her smile and listened to her breathing as the pills kicked in and she slept. The next few hours passed quickly he found a book of classics to amuse him as she slept. As dawn was approaching he covered the windows as best he could grateful that there were already heavy velvet drapes hanging 


	3. Starting Over

All belongs to Joss. Maybe in another life they'll be mine and S/B will finally be together. Reviews would be great!  
  
  
  
"Spike?"  
  
Jumping out of chair he was by her side and brushing the hair off her face.  
  
"I'm here. Feeling better."  
  
"Like I've been beat up."  
  
Smiling at her rising he helped her to her feet.  
  
"Well you did get knocked round there for a bit."  
  
"I feel it."  
  
Helping her to the bathroom he stopped when she caught his arm.  
  
"You saved me. I'll never forget that. Thank you."  
  
Shocked by the emotion in her voice and floored by the small kiss she planted on his cheek he stood there stupidly even after the bathroom door closed.  
  
"Well then."  
  
Walking back into the living room he plopped back onto the sofa, her warm lips still imprinted on his cheek. There had been nothing sexual about what she had done but it still rocked him. Not wanting to think about it he picked up his book when he heard the water running.  
  
The fairy on her left shoulder was coming to life, he knew this was going to be some of his best work; she almost looked like she was going to fly away. Tara had fallen asleep the steady rising of her chest was the drum he worked to. Getting a better position to work he settled back into the rhythm and let his mind wander back again.  
  
"So that was why you were out there? You're leaving?"  
  
He didn't know why he found her so easy to talk too, but not an hour after she had awoken and bathed the whole nasty story had tumbled out. There they sat mugs of tea in hand, relaxing on different pieces of furniture sharing the events of the past night.  
  
"It seemed like a good idea then. But I don't know."  
  
Buffy had confided in her some of what had happened between them, maybe that's why he had opened up to her. For whatever reason she had listened to his sad tale, really listened and that was when she made a suggestion that had changed everything.  
  
There had sat in a silence after he had spilled the whole sordid tale and he could tell she was itching to say something, fighting her insecurity. He wondered then why she was so insecure, who had beat her down so?  
  
"Go on then, spill it. I won't take your head off."  
  
She had look dup at him with eyes wider than he would have thought humanly possible. Leaning forward he smiled his most charming smile, glad when she blushed and smiled back. [Still got it mate.]  
  
"I want to hear what you've got to say. Go one then."  
  
"Well I think that maybe you should leave but not leave."  
  
Confused he held his tongue and let her explain herself.  
  
"Start a life for yourself here, in Sunnydale. Apart from her but close enough that you know she'll miss you and stuff."  
  
The idea had tremendous possibility. He could do it. Set up house here, make some friends, and earn a living and such. Teasing her with glimpses of his new life and see how she reacts.  
  
"Bloody brilliant."  
  
He smiled at her when he heard her breath expel noisily. Then he bean to pace the floor and thoughts tumbled from his lips.  
  
"I'll get a job of some sort, a night job, and I'll find some friends, and a place gotta get something better than the crypt."  
  
He was interrupted when she spoke up.  
  
"You could stay here?"  
  
That stopped him dead in his tracks. Had he heard her right?  
  
"What?"  
  
She avoided his gaze and stared at her hands.  
  
"Well my roommate just left me in a lurch some thing back home and I was going to be looking for a roommate anyway. The room's big, and there aren't any windows. We could split everything fifty fifty. It wouldn't be too bad, me a witch you a vamp. At least we'd accept the eccentricities."  
  
Must have been a sight, his mouth hanging open like dumb ass. He wasn't sure if he was more surprised by her offer or the fact that he had never heard her say so much at once.  
  
"Well, I."  
  
That's great stutter like a moron.  
  
"I know it wouldn't be your first choice but until you find someplace better, it might be nice."  
  
That was when he read between the proverbial lines. She wanted him there. She had all but said it. They were more alike than he thought, she was lonely, and she could see it in him.  
  
"Alright then. It's a deal. 50-50 and all that not a problem, got a little cash to hold me over until I find a job."  
  
He was too busy absorbing the information to notice that she had risen and moved over to one of the shelves that had various spices and magick stuffs. When she stood before him she was holding several sticks of incense and a purple ashtray.  
  
"What's this, then?"  
  
Looking at the items she had handed him he noticed a wicked gleam in her eyes.  
  
"It'll eat up the smoke if you burn it in your room since you can't go outside."  
  
Grinning stupidly he surprised them both when he gave her a big hug. So the little Wiccan burned a little now and then. This might work out just fine. Then she had squeezed him just as hard and he knew that someone was watching out for him. Today was he first day in his new life. 


	4. Wednesday

Sorry this one is so short, later chaps. Will hopefully be longer. All belongs to Joss. Please review. I must say that I wish there had been more Spuffy in tonight's eppy. Thanks to the gods of the Buffyverse that Dawn was well you know (I would hate to spoil it for others.) hey I read a disturbing spoiler about the feb. 11 (My Birthday!) eppy, if anyone out there has read it or knows what's up drop me a line. Just a reminder this will eventually be B/S, but don't expect it to be easy on her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Work had begun on the other fairy and he was anxious for her to see them.  
  
That very night he had gone out with Tara to buy a bed; she helped him choose that and the linens. He had ended up with a queen size cherry sleigh bed and satin sheets and comforter; he had chosen the royal blue. They had picked up a desk, bookcase and a chair and that was it. All of it was to be delivered the following day.  
  
"Hungry?"  
  
"Starved."  
  
Smiling at the ease with which she answered him, he found himself settling into her company. She was good for him, calmed him in every way that the Slayer riled him up. In their short time together he had even seen a slight change in her. She was not scared around him and had spoken clearly and firmly in the store. Taking a seat in a booth they ordered and devoured their food in silence. That was when she mentioned the tattoo.  
  
"I've always wanted to go in there."  
  
Following her gaze he saw a brightly light tattoo parlor across the street from them.  
  
"There? Wanna get one?"  
  
She had blushed and that was when she mentioned the wings. He had started doodling on a napkin as she described them. He would never forget her reaction when she had seen his design.  
  
"It's perfect Spike. That's just what I wanted."  
  
Her excitement swept him up and he dragged her to the parlor napkin in hand.  
  
The owner had been so impressed in the sketch that he offered Spike a job on the spot, and he took it.  
  
Thinking back he realized that he counted that day as one of the best he had ever had.  
  
"Tara luv, I'm done."  
  
Sleepily she sat up, wincing at the pain in her shoulders.  
  
"Already?"  
  
Laughing he handed her a mirror and began cleaning up the tools.  
  
She stood before his mirror and angled the small one until she could see her back. What she saw took her breath away. Two fairies in full flight faced each other. Amazed by his talent she couldn't believe these beautiful images graced her body; it brought tears to her eyes.  
  
"Oh, Spike it's beautiful. Really."  
  
He smiled at her as he folded his towel.  
  
"It did come out nice. I gotta cover them."  
  
She stood still as he applied the balm and placed a bandage over them, sad that they were under cover. It was pretty great having a tattoo artist in the house.  
  
"All done."  
  
"Thanks, Dawn will probably be over later, it's Wednesday."  
  
Chuckling he thought of the Nibblet sneaking of to see him and it made his heart swell. He had something special here, if he could only get the Slayer to budge. Sighing, he laid out on the bed as she put her clothes on.  
  
"Forgot, call if you need a ride later."  
  
Smiling sweetly at him she nodded and left the room. Pulling the door shut behind her.  
  
A/N: sorry it's so short, works been hell. Hopefully later chappy will be better. 


	5. Truth Hurts

All belongs to Joss. Reviews would be great this chap is a little short building up Buffy's thoughts were harder than expected. Words in brackets are sub-conscious thoughts. I am sorry if my spoiler notices last time disturbed anyone, there will be no more of that. Sorry.  
  
  
  
Things had gotten progressively worse over the past few months. Her mood, her training, her life, everything was on a downhill slide and she knew why. Spike. That annoying, chip-head, bully was the cause. Everything had changed that night; she had been awful to him shouting at him, calling him names that were totally uncalled for. And when she had gone looking for him the next night and found the crypt empty he heart had sunk. For the next day she was in a daze confused by the feelings of loss and panic she now felt by his absence. His presence although annoying in many ways had been a comfort and now that she didn't have it she was forced to admit that she missed it. A lot.  
  
"Come on move."  
  
She was rearranging bedroom furniture, boredom having driven her to this. Of course he had still been around after she had discovered where he had gone. That had been a shock, but then everything he'd done since then had been a shock. He had stopped following her, stopped showing up on her patrols and when she had needed his help the last few times she had been forced to relay messages through Dawn or call and leave a message. They never argued anymore, he was never around. [I miss him], there it was finally she could admit it. She missed him; there was an ache in her heart that had grown since that night.  
  
"Damn."  
  
Falling to the floor in the middle of her messy room, she began to cry, silent tears streamed down her cheeks. He had not left, true, but even worse he was moving on, right in front of her. She had seen him at the Bronze with new friends, and Tara, and she had felt left out, not belonging with her own friends and not included with his. That night she had cried herself to sleep, and not gone back to the Bronze since. Everyone knew what was bothering her, but they didn't know what to do. She worked, she Slayed, but she was miserable.  
  
"It's not fair."  
  
Dawn had continued to visit him. She had tired to sneak around, but she knew that she was going over there. He had not even invited her over there, that hurt, but that was what she wanted right. No commitment, no love. Well why then was she so miserable? [You know. You love him].  
  
"No!"  
  
Stunned she jumped up and began to pace. Love Spike? Ew! No! [Why not? He nearly died for you, protected your sister, and helped bring you back to the land of the living]. Groaning she headed into the bathroom, sliding down the wall onto the floor.  
  
"I love him."  
  
Simply put it made so much sense. Feeling as though a weight had been lifted off of her she smiled weakly.  
  
"I love him."  
  
[And you've lost him]. No! [Yes]. Had she truly lost him? Getting up she turned the shower on knowing that after school Dawn would be going to see him, she thought she would pay him a little visit as well. Smiling as she stripped, she suddenly thought today was definitely going to get better. 


	6. Have a Look

All belongs to Joss. Reviews would be great. Finally getting into the B/S. thanks for hanging in there. There will be more S/T, coming, but I had to put in some Spuffy lovin'.  
  
  
  
Banging, it was the banging that had driven him from his sleep. Groaning he rolled over willing away the noise, but he knew she wouldn't leave. Stubborn Summers women. Rising he was about to pull a shirt on and couldn't find one. The banging still hadn't slowed and he thought it strange of Dawn to be that persistent, worried he hurried to the door, all thoughts of a shirt gone.  
  
"Bloody hell, is the world ending?"  
  
The last of his words faded away as he saw who was standing before him.  
  
She looked up at him her breath caught at the sight of him. Chest bare and hair tousled from sleep he was so gorgeous it made her ache. Catching herself staring she pulled her eyes from his figure and up to his eyes. Big mistake, his blue eyes were smirking at her, he knew what she was thinking and he was loving it.  
  
"Slayer, what can I do you for?"  
  
SO she hadn't been able to stay away had she? That was an interesting piece of information. Best to take things slow.  
  
"Well I wanted to know if this is where Dawn has been disappearing to?"  
  
Pushing the door open wider to allow her entrance he carefully maneuvered her in without getting hit by the sun's rays.  
  
"She's been avoiding you eh?"  
  
Stepping into his place she glanced around curiously.  
  
"Not so much. I just know she's been slipping away after school."  
  
Heading into the kitchen he fought down the rising attraction he was feeling just by being so near to her.  
  
"Drink?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She took a seat at the bar and watched as he poured her a diet coke.  
  
"How are things with the research?"  
  
"Fine. We're piecing things together. Willow's getting in some major computer time, but it seems to be good for her."  
  
A silence fell between them. He leaned forward on the counter the closest he could get to her.  
  
"And how have you been?"  
  
Looking over into his eyes she felt butterflies begin kicking up. Taking a big drink she calmed her nerves, it was just Spike after all. [Yeah and you love him now.]  
  
"Good, I've been real good. Working and Slaying, it's been good."  
  
"Good. Well then that's good."  
  
Smiling at her discomfort he imagined she had been anything but good, but she didn't seem ready to admit it yet.  
  
"I like your place."  
  
"Thanks. All of this stuff is Tara's, except for that painting."  
  
The painting that hung next to the bookcase was a stunning rendition of a sunrise over a field of wildflowers, not something that she would have suspected was his.  
  
"it's beautiful Spike."  
  
Looking over at him she caught a glimpse of longing in his eyes.  
  
"Reminds me of home, is all."  
  
Turning to the sink he ran water over the now empty glass. She watched the graceful movements of his back and remembered the times she spent tracing each line of bone and muscle.  
  
"So how's work?" Meeting her eyes he sensed something different there, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.  
  
"Good, really good. I'm building up a strong body of work. Tara has a back and sleeves coming along nicely."  
  
She felt a wave of jealousy course through her and she took a long drink of her now flat soda. He had to contain a smile at her blatant jealousy. Something was brewing with his slayer, best to tread lightly.  
  
"Sleeves? I'm lost."  
  
"Well a long series of tattoos either similar or not that covers the whole arm is called a sleeve."  
  
Silence descended between them and she absently traced the rim of her glass as she imagined him working on her arms.  
  
"I'd love to work on you."  
  
She met his eyes and read the longing in them. Smiling at him she felt joy spring back in her that she had not felt since she had come back. She had never thought about getting a tattoo before, but why not.  
  
"I've never thought about it before."  
  
He loked away when he realized she was turning him down again. He had spoken too soon, revealed more than he should have. As soon as she had appeared in the doorway all of the resolve he had building melted away and he was again playing the fool.  
  
The look on his face tugged at her heart. She had hurt him, again. He thought she was saying no.  
  
"But I think I might like one. Have any ideas."  
  
Looking back at her he saw the truth in her eyes. She was interested. He knew exactly where he wanted to mark her. Even had a few sketches of the design. A large collection of knots and ivy the graced the small curve where her back met her bottom. Thoughts of his hands skimming over that soft patch of skin made him shiver.  
  
"A few."  
  
She smiled at him, almost shyly and followed him down the small hallway towards what she assumed was his bedroom. It still amazed her that he had a home. One that has real plumbing and he worked to pay rent towards it. She paused at his door and watched him stride over to a desk and root through sheets of what appeared to be drawings.  
  
The sketched had to be here somewhere. Cursing his lack of organization he made his way to the bottom of the stack where he finally found the three sheets he was looking for.  
  
"I knew they were here somewhere."  
  
He noticed her standing in the doorway still and smiled.  
  
"Come on in, luv, have a look." 


	7. The First Step

All belongs to Joss and company. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Hey, if anyone wants to post this, feel free, but please let me know, I'd love to come visit. I am having a block as to whether or not Tara should hook back up with Willow or not. It just seems Willow wasn't repentant enough, I mean she didn't go through a soul retrieving journey. Let me know your ideas and we'll go from there. Thanks.  
  
  
  
She stepped in slowly and took a seat in the only chair, carefully avoiding what looked like a very comfortable bed. Momentarily distracted as Spike's scent overwhelmed her she barely registered that he was talking to her and holding out papers to her. Taking them her jaw dropped when she saw the beautiful drawings before her. One was a close-up of the design showing intricate weavings and patterns. The second was the placement of said design on her lower back. Very lower back. But it was the final drawing that captivated her. She was nude, lying on her stomach, the design drawn on her back, but he had turned her face so she was smiling over her shoulder.  
  
Nervously he stood gauging her reaction. She was shocked he could tell, but did she like them? The third drawing held her attention the longest and he worried that she would be angry. That was his favorite he had imagined her smiling at him like that. Of course she never had but he had seen her grace that smile at others and his memory of that comforted him. Maybe someday she would smile that way at him.  
  
"Spike, they are. They are amazing."  
  
He released a breath he didn't know he was holding and sat back on his desk. He smiled at her.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No, really. These are great. And the design is perfect. You always did know just the right thing."  
  
He barely heard the last part, but hope began to grow again.  
  
"So you can take them if you want. Think about it. Make any changes or what not."  
  
She looked up at him quickly.  
  
"No, no changes. It's perfect just like it is."  
  
Silence fell. He didn't know what to say. Things were almost surreal, he wondered if he was still dreaming. Glancing at the clock on his bookcase he realized she'd been here an hour and not one bad name had been thrown his way. It must have been some kind of record.  
  
Well she had agreed to something crazy, but one more look at the pictures and she knew she wanted this. Wanted him.  
  
"So how does this work?"  
  
"Come again, luv."  
  
Blushing she looked at anything but him.  
  
"The tattoo, Spike should I come here or."  
  
Feeling stupid he rose and began to pace.  
  
She smiled; she had forgotten how much he hated to stand still. Quite frankly she couldn't see him sitting still long enough to draw a circle much less something on someone else.  
  
"You could come here, more private. I work late at the shop and get home around 1am."  
  
"That's right when I go on patrol. We could go together than come back here."  
  
Shocked he looked over at her and saw an equally shocked look on her face.  
  
Had she really just blurted all of that out? What was going on with her? Embarrassed she picked imaginary lint off her pants.  
  
"Did you just invite me back on patrol?"  
  
Not looking up she continued picking at her pants.  
  
"I guess so."  
  
A part of him was ready to jump with joy, but another part of him wanted to make her wait, wanted to draw her along. Her voice was so small. She was scared. Scared the he was going to reject her. He owed Tara big time.  
  
"I'd love too, but I'm going to check out a few things. Can I let you know?"  
  
She looked up at him, happy and then she realized what he had said. Let her know? What was going on here? He was perhaps turning her down. The thought that he might have plans or commitments other than being there for her hadn't even occurred to her. And that's when it hit her, really hit her. He was moving on, doing things without her. She could barely catch her breath; the pain rose up so quickly.  
  
"Oh, of course. I forgot you have a job, and friends and all sorts of things that don't have to do with patrolling or slaying.."  
  
She would have continued rambling if he hadn't interrupted her. He had seen her shock at his answer and listened to her rambling and it tugged at his heart.  
  
"Buffy.."  
  
She looked up at him anxious suddenly for his reply, when they both heard a banging on the door that made them both jump. 


	8. Runins

All belongs to Joss and co. Sorry about the delay in updates but work has been killer, but I'm on vacation and hopefully the creative juices will begin to flow. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.  
  
Classes had been good, a little long, but Tara had figured that had been because of her lack of sleep. Her shoulders ached some and she was careful not to hang her bag across her sore back. She was making her way to the library, there were a couple of books she needed for her biology class, when she ran into a solid form before her.  
  
"Ow."  
  
Looking up at what had collided with her se was shocked to see a large male towering before her.  
  
"I.I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention."  
  
She was blushing furiously and avoided making eye contact. She knew who he was, not personally of course, but he looked familiar.  
  
"No harm done, I was a bit distracted myself."  
  
He noticed her blushing and he couldn't help but smile.  
  
They stood there in awkward silence until Tara dared to look up at him again, stunned to see him smiling at her, his bright grey eyes studying her intently. He had long black hair which he let hang loose and was wearing a long grey Henley.  
  
"My name is Quinn. Nice to meet you."  
  
He didn't know why he was still talking to her or what could have possibly driven him to introduce himself but he found himself wanting to know her name. Know who she was.  
  
"I.I'm Tara."  
  
Slowly she extended her hand and grasped his hand. His hand was rough and fingers were calloused, but he held her hand firmly and shook her hand with confidence. When she tried to pull her hand away he would not let go.  
  
"Quinn my name, what have you got there?"  
  
They were both startled at the loud voice behind him. A hand clasped his shoulder and she quickly jerked her hand away, once again looking away.  
  
"Found yourself a book rat I see."  
  
Laughter erupted and Tara felt tears form behind her eyes.  
  
"SO not your type, but a little flavor now and then wouldn't hurt I guess."  
  
He was mad, first his "Friend" interrupts their meeting and now they were insulting her. He turned to say something back, when Jones slipped around him and draped an arm about her shoulders and squeezed rather roughly in a mock gesture of friendship.  
  
Her shoulders erupted in pain and she couldn't help the gasp that slipped from her lips. Trying to pull away all she managed to do was drop her bag and further hurt her sore back.  
  
He saw her pain, and stared at her in confusion, but he didn't know what to do. Jones and rest of his group were watching him with interest daring him to do or say something. He paused afraid to intervene, worried about what they might think.  
  
She looked up at him hoping, for some reason unknown to her, that he would say something. Step in and defend her. Why it mattered to her was unclear, they had just met, but there had been something in the way he had held her hand. When she saw him frown, she knew he would do nothing, and it hurt. Finally managing to pull away from the laughing lugs arm she scooped u her bag and nearly ran away from them. Her head down and tears falling, hidden by her hair.  
  
He saw her bolt and wanted to reach out and grab her arm, but his arms felt like lead. Tearing his eye from her he looked at his now nearly hysterical friends, laughing at her pain and felt sick to his stomach. Storming away from him the noisy group he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit in anger. Why he was angry he didn't know. But something was wrong with him, with his life if he associated with those who would hurt such a beautiful creature. 


	9. Doorways, Dark Corners

Thanks to all who reviewed. I do not have a beta (anyone want the job!?) so I apologize if there are grammatical errors throughout. Reviews would be great and I must say that I loved this week's episode of Buffy. I'm seeing spuffy in our future guys!!!  
Pounding again a little louder she wished she hadn't left the key back in her room. Spike had given her a key for times just like this. She would come visit and he would be dead to the world and she couldn't get in. As her arm lifted to pound for a third time dawn, startled faced a red faced Spike, and HER SISTER!!  
  
No one was speaking; they were all just standing there, studying each other. Buffy k new it was because of her, she was intruding on something between Spike and her sister. It felt strange to be on the outside.  
  
"Hey Dawn, school o.k.?"  
  
Stepping into the living room Dawn glanced nervously between the two before her.  
  
"It was great; Janice is coming over tonight so we can finish up that science thingy we started this weekend."  
  
A part of him wished he had stayed asleep, things had been going so well, and now he just wasn't sure what was going to happen. Buffy had been so adamant that dawn was to stay away from him and here she was.  
  
"So, Buffy what are you doing here?"  
  
And there it was the question of the hour, and Spike was extremely curious to find out what her answer would be.  
  
Buffy could feel their eyes on her but the loose thread on the pocket of her jeans was extremely interesting.  
  
"Well I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I would drop by and see what Spike was up to. I haven't seen him in a while."  
  
Two jaws dropped at that moment, Dawn and Spike looked at each other and snapped their hanging mouths shut.  
  
"Well Buffy, that's cool. I was just doing the same thing. Seeing what old Spike here was up too."  
  
Smiling at her nervous sister Buffy smiled.  
  
"It's o.k. dawn I know you have been coming over here. It's o.k."  
  
Again two stunned faces looked over at her and it was getting annoying. Was she really such a bitch?  
  
"Well thanks. I also stop by and see Tara. Is she here? I have to return her herbology book."  
  
"Ah, no pet. She's got a class."  
  
At that point Buffy turned and took a seat at the bar, leaving the other two for an impromptu huddle.  
  
"Oh my god! How long has she been here? Did anything happen? Did you show her the sketches?"  
  
Spike groaned how the mighty have falling. Pushing her towards the kitchen he whispered in her ear.  
  
"We'll talk later."  
  
Dawn hopped up on stool beside Buffy and they both watched as Spike grabbed one of his special ashtrays and lit up a cigarette.  
The basement of the UCS library had many dark corners a person could hide in. A person could disappear among the stacks, get drunk of the smell of the worn books, and lose yourself in the knowledge of those who had gone before them. Now it hid pain and tears as she huddled in the corner. Where did she go when things got too hard? When Willow continued to hurt her, she went to the dark corners.  
  
"Oh, goddess!"  
  
Why a run in with a stranger had caused such a strong reaction, a male at that, was still a mystery. Being the butt of jokes for frat boys was not new. Being Wicca and gay was ammunition enough, but his eyes had been grey. They had spoken to her and then he had hurt her with his inaction.  
  
"Stupid Tara, really stupid. Talking eyes. Just great."  
  
Wiping her eyes she smoothed out her clothes and rose, a might unsteadily, but gathered her bag. Determined to put Quinn and his fabulous friends out of her mind she pushed her hair back, took a deep breath and headed back over to the stacks to find her books. 


	10. Confrontation

Buffy and Dawn had continued their arguing for another five minutes or so until a ringing noise broke through their steadily rising voices.  
  
"Ooh, it's mine. Hello."  
  
Spike watched as Dawn retreated to the kitchen. He glanced over at Buffy and caught her staring at him, both nervous they looked away. Words that had flown somewhat easier before were now stalled since Dawn had arrived.  
  
"Hey Buffy that was Katie she wants to catch a movie. That cool with you?"  
  
"Sure just make sure her mom gives you a ride home."  
  
"Already covered, come on you can give me a ride."  
  
Dawn turned and gave Spike a quick hug and a promise to call later, and ran out the door. She grabbed the keys her sister was holding, she loved starting the car.  
  
"So."  
  
"So."  
  
They both smiled and Buffy headed over to the counter to pick up the drawings.  
  
"I'll give you a call about the patrols."  
  
"Cool, then we can set up a time to start this."  
  
She waved the drawings in the air and smiled.  
  
"Are you sure luv, about this and everything?"  
  
"I'm the slayer, Spike. I'm always sure."  
  
Both laughing at her attempt at humor, they made their way to the door. Hearing the jeep horn blast just as the door opened. Spike was careful to avoid the sunlight and held the door wide enough for her to slip through.  
  
"It was great to see you Buffy."  
  
"Yeah, and I love your place. I'll call you."  
  
Spike watched her head down to the stairs and when she was out of sight he closed the door and leaned against it. His eyes closed and he stood there still slightly stunned by all that had happened.  
  
Tara made her way back up to the main floor of the library. The last hour had produced nothing but tears and she was ready to go home. Crossing towards the main entrance she didn't notice someone was calling her name until they were right on her.  
  
"Tara! Tara! Wait up."  
  
"Willow. Hi."  
  
"I was hoping to see you."  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
The silence was awkward. Tara was glad to see Willow, but the pain had come rushing back as soon as she had heard her voice. Willow had violated her mind and heart with what she had done, and it still hurt.  
  
"So how's it been going?"  
  
She shifted her books to her right, creating a little space between them, something that did not go unnoticed by Willow.  
  
"Real good. I have some great classes and really interesting professors."  
  
"Well that's great. I do too. Work, work, work. But you know. Gotta find some time to play."  
  
Tara looked at her former lover and read the longing in her eyes, but there was something else there, desperation. Something was going on with her. She wasn't usually so perky or so clueless. She was sure her eyes were red and swollen from crying and she hadn't mentioned it. Part of her longed for Willow but another part was wary and frightened by what a future with Willow would entail.  
  
"Yeah, but right now I got a lot on my plate, with school, and then Spike."  
  
Willow visibly flinched when she spoke his name.  
  
"Right, Spike. Are you still living with him then?"  
  
"Well."  
  
"I mean he's just a friend right? Oh, but he's a soulless vampire I mean what kind of friend could he really make. I mean he's only tried to kill us a dozen times and so you just make nice and move right in with him. And not even consider how anyone else would feel. I mean are you sleeping with him is that the attraction."  
  
A sharp slap drew Willow from her tirade and her dark eyes melted away into green as she looked up at Tara clutching her stinging cheek.  
  
"That's enough. Spike is my friend. Nothing more, nothing less."  
  
She turned and started to walk away, but her anger prevailed.  
  
"And even if we were. It's none of your business. Not any more."  
  
With that she turned and walked away. 


	11. Surprises

Disclaimers: none of them belong to me or things would be sooooo much different.  
  
A/N: I am sorry I haven't updated in ages I hate it when others do that, but life took an unexpected turn. Also I'm in need of a beta. Any takers?  
  
Things had been busy at the Magic Box today. Lots of money filling her register. Anya paused then and looked around. Things were good. Smiling, she headed for the front door flipping the open sign to close when she saw a familiar face at the door.  
  
"Tara is that you?"  
  
"Um, yeah, hi Anya."  
  
The women stood there looking at each other, when it suddenly occurred to Anya that Tara wanted to come inside. It also came to her attention that she was shaking and her face was all red.  
  
"Well come in no need to waste all the expensive air conditioning which entices warm customers to visit and shop."  
  
A small smile played on Tara's lips as she listened to the other woman rant on.  
  
"I..I'm sorry to intrude, but I just couldn't think of any where else to go."  
  
Giving her another long stare, it finally clicked.  
  
"You've seen Willow haven't you?"  
  
Unable to stop her throat from swelling with emotion she simply nodded.  
  
Anya felt sorry for her friend. Willow had messed with some serious magic and Tara had suffered for it because she had loved and trusted her.  
  
"You know I remember this one time. About 500 years ago or so, a young tempra sprite had summoned me for some vengeance. A basic call really, nothing special. Heart broken, trust in love shattered by a measly Fricke woodfin, hardly worth it if you ask me. So I did the standard turn him into a maggot for a few days and moved along. Oh, I don't know about 5 years later I ended up back in the same dimension different demon."  
  
Anya laughed at her own joke, but stopped when she realized she was laughing alone.  
  
"Anyway, I happened across the tempra and she was happier than ever, she had settled down with a very nice direw kemp and was surrounded by a clan of noisy little ones."  
  
Tara looked at the pretty brunette and absorbed her words.  
  
Impatient Anya stood and fiddled with some stones that were on sale.  
  
"I guess what I'm saying is no matter how much it hurts and how bad it seems things may just have turned out as they should have."  
  
Irked by the silence she was about to turn around and give her a piece of her mind, considering she had tried to make her fell better. As she turned she saw Tara standing before her, eyes full of fresh tears. Next thing she knew she was wrapped in soft arms. Hugging was something the others did; no one ever touched her or hugged her.  
  
"Thank you Anya."  
  
Pulling apart they smiled at each other.  
  
"I'm engaged you know so don't be getting any ideas that you are going to be getting any hot lesbian action from me."  
  
The howl of laughter that erupted from the shy witch was so unexpected that Anya simply stared at her, but soon found herself joining in.  
  
Within minutes the two had ended up on the floor in a heap of giggles and eyes wet from tears of mirth.  
  
"I met a boy today."  
  
Now it was Anya's turn to be shocked.  
  
"Is that some secret codename for you know the dominant partner or."  
  
Blushing furiously Tara quickly interrupted.  
  
"NO, no a real boy."  
  
Eyes wide Anya turned and faced her, uncaring at that moment that her cash register was unlocked or that her $160 skirt was getting wrinkled.  
  
"So, was he cute? Will he give you many orgasms? Could you tell how big you know his package was?"  
  
Tara didn't know what to say. She couldn't decide if the questions shocked her more or the fact that her revelation hadn't surprised Anya.  
  
"Well I don't know. It doesn't surprise you that I said I met a boy?"  
  
"Surprised? Why would I?"  
  
Then it dawned on her.  
  
"Oh, you mean because of the whole lesbian thing?"  
  
Tara nodded.  
  
"Well just because you were with a woman before doesn't mean you have to always be. That would kinda take the fun out of it wouldn't it. I mean I am/was a vengeance demon, buffy had not 1 but 2 vampire boyfriends. Willow was with a guy than wasn't. Life is always about choices. When you loose the choice you loose your life.  
  
Tara couldn't respond to that. Had Anya always been so wise? How come no one had noticed it before? And what was that remark about 2 vampire boyfriends.  
  
She felt her eyes on her and continued to study her perfectly manicured nails.  
  
"What!!"  
  
"I just never realized how much you had to offer, I'm sorry."  
  
Taken back Anya felt tears fill up in her own eyes.  
  
"Yes, well, you know."  
  
Taking her hand she squeezed it lightly.  
  
"I know what its like to be on the outside. They are all so special in their own way. They have a certain rhythm that no one else can seem to march too."  
  
They sat there like that each lost in their own thoughts.  
  
"How about we go get some coffee, because I very much want to hear your theory on Buffy's 2 vampire boyfriends."  
  
Rising she smiled, it felt good to help and feel wanted. But a tiny voice crept up in the back of her mind. Wasn't that what Xander supposed to do? Pushing that voice away she headed towards the door. Her money could wait until tomorrow.  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
"And after we can get to work on that hot lesbian sex."  
  
For once someone had shocked the speech out of Anya, and she didn't know what was more shocking the fact that she had no reply or that Tara was the one to put her in her place.  
  
Laughing Tara grabbed her arm and pulled her from the store. 


	12. Marlboro Lights

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Of course all belong to Joss and co. Quick question I was wondering if anyone knew where I could post this story other than ffnet. I wanted to venture into some heavy R/nc-17 at some point and of course can't do that here. Enjoy the spuffiness!! Thanks to my new beta lin-z!!  
  
The smoke from his Marlboro swirled around his freshly bleached head. After Buffy and Dawn had left he had been too wired to sleep or even draw. So he had taken himself off to the bathroom and touched up his roots. The stinging of the peroxide reminding him that the events of the day were not a dream. The hours had passed in a haze of smoke and reflection, and soon it had been time for work. Tara had called; she was off doing girlie things with Anya of all people. There had been something in her voice, but he had not pursued it, he'd find out later.  
  
"Hey, there."  
  
Spike nodded and watched the owner of the deli pull down the gate to his shop and slide in the padlock. Flicking his butt across the street he stepped into the light of the Parlor.  
  
Buffy had spent the rest of the day holed away in her room alternating between staring at the beautiful drawings and staring at her back in the mirror. Even going so far as to strip down to her thong, trying to imagine what the images would look like against her skin. She found herself giggling as she put the paper to her back and strained her neck to get a peek in the mirror. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so happy.  
  
"I am such a dork."  
  
Flopping onto her bed she stared up at the ceiling. Wondering if he would call her tonight, she glanced at the phone. It's not like he would call now, she'd just left. Slowly her eyes drifted shut, the events of the day catching up with her.  
  
Spike worked steadily for the next three hours. Word of his talent had spread quickly through the Sunnyhell night life and work was good. Still, he found himself checking the clock more often. Would it be too soon to call her? Go on patrol with her? Sighing he rose from the chair and stepped out front for a smoke. The uncertainty was eating at him. He desperately wanted to be with her, but he didn't want to fall back into old habits. The whole point of all of this was for her to come to him. Tara had been right; all he had to do was be patient. Sighing, he took another long drag of his cigarette; patience had never been one of his strongest virtues.  
  
"Hey there stranger."  
  
Turning he saw Chloe approaching.  
  
"Evening, ducks."  
  
The brunette strolled up to him and they exchanged a friendly hug. Unbeknownst to them they were being watched.  
  
Buffy had woken refreshed and a smile spread across her lips. An internal clock signaled that night had fallen, time to patrol. Rising, she strolled to her closet and debated carefully on what to wear. Never know who you might run into. She pulled out her red leather pants and a black sleeveless top. Sexy, but not too obvious. Laying her choices on the bed she turned to her vanity and brushed her hair till it was straight and shone like honey. A little gloss and a touch of mascara and she was ready.  
  
Slipping into her clothes she took a quick glance in the mirror, pleased with the result, and headed out.  
  
Dawn had come home sometime when she had been sleeping and true to her word she was set up in the living room with Janice and attempting to work thorough a science project of some sort.  
  
"Hey Dawnie."  
  
Both girls looked up as she came down the stairs. Dawn couldn't help but smile when she saw her sister. She hadn't seen her glow like that in ages. The outfit and make-up did not go unnoticed either, but she would tease her about it later.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Are you staying over Janice?"  
  
The girl nodded.  
  
"Cool, I'll see you girls later."  
  
As soon as she left both girl broke out into giggles and resumed their debate over the hottest member of n'sync.  
  
Buffy stepped into the night and felt like a new woman, she took a deep breath and headed out for a quick sweep. Her feet carried her through several of the local cemeteries, almost on auto-pilot. She ran into three fresh risers, nothing that even caused her to break a sweat.  
  
Her feet really did seem to have a mind of their own; before she realized it she was standing on the street of the only tattoo parlor in Sunnydale. Her breath caught when she saw him, he had come outside for a smoke and he looked better than she remembered, he seemed to get more beautiful as time progressed. His hair was savagely slicked back and he was wearing a skin tight, blood red shirt.  
  
A swell of desire rose in her as she stared at the smoke dangling from his lips. To be that cigarette, but then her fantasy was interrupted when she saw a girl approach and almost screamed when she saw them hug.  
  
Spike knew that Chloe was interested in him. The way she leaned in close to him smelling like sex and roses. She was beautiful, but she wasn't Buffy. They had had drinks a few times, but it was the wrong face at the wrong time.  
  
"Working tonight?"  
  
"Of, course luv. You?"  
  
She rolled her eyes.  
  
"Yeah Teddy's got me working the nights now."  
  
She was a cashier at the XXX store a block over.  
  
"He says I'm good for business. I get customers in the mood."  
  
He didn't miss the hint, and smiled. She was persistent.  
  
"I'm sure you are."  
  
All this time and he had never made one move towards her, even after she had practically thrown herself at him. Whoever had him so wrapped up was one lucky girl.  
  
"Well I better go. Maybe I'll see you later."  
  
Stepping in she wrapped her arms around him and drank in the smell of him, leather and ash.  
  
He let her hold him; it felt good to feel the soft flesh against him. But he was shocked to find her lips against his cheek; she had never been so forward.  
  
"Bye, Spike."  
  
He didn't answer just smiled as she waved over her shoulder. He almost felt sorry for the bloke that got caught in Chloe's trap. Turning he headed into the parlor, waving his next customer back.  
  
Buffy's mouth hung open as the scene had played out before her. First that skank had hugged him and then flirted with him and then she had the nerve to kiss him. Her fists opened and closed on reflex and ached for a stake, but the girl had not been a demon, but human. The fact that he had not carried the kiss further was not lost on her, but she was still furious. A little voice spoke up in her mind [You're jealous].  
  
"Am not."  
  
Turning, she walked into the first lighted door she came upon. Unbeknownst to her, it was the same diner Spike and Tara had eaten in. Strolling up to the counter, she scanned the contents of the shelves until she found what she was looking for.  
  
"Can I help you, miss?"  
  
The cook had taken one look at the girl as she had walked into the diner and taken an instinctive step back, pressing his massive girth into the counter behind him. He had seen a lot working the nights here, and knew enough to know that this girl was not to be messed with. Power and anger rolled off her in waves.  
  
"Hard pack of Marlboro lights."  
  
Her voice was icy. She pulled out a ten-dollar bill. Picking up the pack she grabbed a slim lighter, one of the skinniest she had ever seen and waited for her change.  
  
"Have a nice night."  
  
She didn't turn or respond just slipped out into the night as quickly as she had come. Taking with her the uneasiness that had filled the room. The cook took a deep breath and pulled out the silver flask from under the register.  
  
"Got to find me a god dammed day job." 


End file.
